Thursday, December 31, 2009

Keeping The Conversation Alive!

By Matt Fuller

Online dating presents us with the golden opportunity to chat to others before meeting in real life which is an ideal ice breaker as opposed to meeting up as complete strangers and also allows us to gauge compatibility.

Although, dating online does have the ability to allow fantasy to override our normal instincts. That's why just because someone has a seemingly nice looking online profile, the offline reality doesn't always match.

It's natural to be nervous on a first date - and nerves are the great enemy of easy, natural conversation. So if you already have been chatting to your potential new love online in a singles chat room, then before you head out on that all-important first date, make a mental note of what he or she has told you about themselves.

It's hard enough getting to know someone first up, so arrange your first date somewhere more interesting than the standard dinner and movie typical date. Go for a picnic by the river, allow nature to help you bond and overcome your shyness in peaceful surroundings.

So picking the venue for your first date is important, especially if you feel you won't win any awards for conversation starters.

Having met online first is a great way to use 'saved up' information to fall back on in times of the conversation flow drying up. Show interest in how you address their questions, and use their questions as a cue to build on other conversation topics.

And be open yourself - if a person sees that you're open, they're be more likely to be open in return. If conversation has stalled, and it's possible to change the venue, do so. Getting out in the night air can help. The other tactic is to just be honest and say, "Hey, I'm just a little nervous here, this being the first date, and I'm not sure what to say." Acknowledging the problem out loud can be a real ice breaker.

Keep the topics of conversation light hearted and on mutual ground. Whilst it's great to have personal views and desires, starting a debate about the politics of current world news is not the best way to offer a worthy first impression.

Be sure not to hog the conversation. A good way to further help achieve this is to make it easy on your date to participate in the conversation by asking more questions about the topic your already engaged in. Avoid straight out yes - no answers at all cost.

Bonny Albo, a writer who has focused on online dating matters, sums up the art of conversation with these words: "Concentrate on adopting your own experiences and interweaving them in with the other individuals answers. By doing so you will be formulating a connection with the individual, producing hooks of information with which to initiate a conversation at a future moment.

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