People say they want to be happy; yet real happiness seems like the impossible dream. Everyone reaches for it so desperately, but for several of us it never seems to come any closer. What are we doing wrong? Why are so many people dissatisfied in so many ways? Is it the times we live in? Do we expect too much? Do we want the wrong things? There are plenty of people who are having a wonderful time with their lives; they are living to the hilt and love every minute of it But they don't talk about it much; they are busy doing it They don't usually write articles or go to analysts. Yet ifs true; not enough people have that sense of zest in their daily lives. Too many people have just not mastered the art of being happy.
You call it an art. Do you think it is some-thing that can be learned, like dancing or making pottery? But I should think you're either blissful or you're not. You can't decide to be happy. You can do a lot of things, but I don't see how you can make happiness. You can go after the things you hope will make you happy, but you really don't know until after you get them whether they will.
In a sense that's true. But the method you put it is part of the problem that many people have in their pursuit of happiness. They think there is something that will make them happy if they can just get hold of it. They expect happiness to happen to them. They don't see it's something they have to do. People will go to a lot of trouble to learn French or physics or scuba diving. They have the patience to learn to operate a car but they won't be bothered learning how to operate themselves.
That's a funny idea. You make it sound as if we should be standing at our own controls and pushing buttons. Shouldn't the art of living be more natural than that?
Maybe it should, but for most of us its not. We are not born with the secret of how to live, and too many of us never learn it. There is nothing cold-blooded or mechanical about it, but there are several things we have to learn to do. For example?
The first thing is to realize that we've probably been looking in the wrong place. The source is not outside us; it is within. Most of us haven't begun to tap our own potential; we're operating way below capacity. And well continue to as long as we are looking for someone to give us the key to the kingdom. We must realize that the kingdom is in us; we already have the key. It's as if we're waiting for permission to start living fully. But the only person who can give us that permission is ourselves. We are accountable only to ourselves for what happens to us in our lives.
We must realize that we have a choice: we are responsible for our own good time. It still seems like a strange idea. If it is up to us, if we can push a magic switch and turn on happiness, why doesn't everyone just do it?
There is no magic switch. But there is an approach. To take responsibility for our lives means making a profound change in the way we approach everything. We do everything we can to avoid this change, this responsibility. We would much rather blame someone or something for making us feel unhappy than take the steps to make us feel better.
We even talk about our own feelings as if they were visitors from outer space. We say, This feeling came over me," as if we were helpless creatures overwhelmed by mysterious forces, instead of simply saying, IT felt that way." We speak as if our feelings change from sunny to stormy like the weather, over which we have no control. This meteorological view of our emotions is very useful; it takes us off the hook for the way we feel. We diminish ourselves, just in order to push far the chance of choice.
You call it an art. Do you think it is some-thing that can be learned, like dancing or making pottery? But I should think you're either blissful or you're not. You can't decide to be happy. You can do a lot of things, but I don't see how you can make happiness. You can go after the things you hope will make you happy, but you really don't know until after you get them whether they will.
In a sense that's true. But the method you put it is part of the problem that many people have in their pursuit of happiness. They think there is something that will make them happy if they can just get hold of it. They expect happiness to happen to them. They don't see it's something they have to do. People will go to a lot of trouble to learn French or physics or scuba diving. They have the patience to learn to operate a car but they won't be bothered learning how to operate themselves.
That's a funny idea. You make it sound as if we should be standing at our own controls and pushing buttons. Shouldn't the art of living be more natural than that?
Maybe it should, but for most of us its not. We are not born with the secret of how to live, and too many of us never learn it. There is nothing cold-blooded or mechanical about it, but there are several things we have to learn to do. For example?
The first thing is to realize that we've probably been looking in the wrong place. The source is not outside us; it is within. Most of us haven't begun to tap our own potential; we're operating way below capacity. And well continue to as long as we are looking for someone to give us the key to the kingdom. We must realize that the kingdom is in us; we already have the key. It's as if we're waiting for permission to start living fully. But the only person who can give us that permission is ourselves. We are accountable only to ourselves for what happens to us in our lives.
We must realize that we have a choice: we are responsible for our own good time. It still seems like a strange idea. If it is up to us, if we can push a magic switch and turn on happiness, why doesn't everyone just do it?
There is no magic switch. But there is an approach. To take responsibility for our lives means making a profound change in the way we approach everything. We do everything we can to avoid this change, this responsibility. We would much rather blame someone or something for making us feel unhappy than take the steps to make us feel better.
We even talk about our own feelings as if they were visitors from outer space. We say, This feeling came over me," as if we were helpless creatures overwhelmed by mysterious forces, instead of simply saying, IT felt that way." We speak as if our feelings change from sunny to stormy like the weather, over which we have no control. This meteorological view of our emotions is very useful; it takes us off the hook for the way we feel. We diminish ourselves, just in order to push far the chance of choice.
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