I am sure you think as overrated the cliche that 'love is blind' - but neuroscience, this prodigy child of science, unveils with an almost cruel satisfaction that some areas of our brains shut down when love comes upon us, blinding the ration from the smart choices we should make.
Brain scans of the people who were madly in love are very similar to the scans of the brains of people who were doing cocaine. There you have it - love is pretty much a drug itself. In a way we are all drug dealers - the drug of choice being love and other emotional enhancers.
Love could be a wonderful happening if sometimes we wouldn't fall in love with the wrong person. If that person is a narcissist, your burden will reach heights worth of better causes. Either way, you need to learn how to cope with this situation.
According to the American Psychological Association, people with narcissistic personality disorder display a chronic and pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.
Narcissists have a grandiose sense of self-importance, like they would have a special mission on this earth and they often have a 'king style' type of personality, while all the others should behave as humble servants of their wishes.
They always exaggerate their achievements and talents making everything in their power to gain everybody's attention and recognition. Most of the times they are arrogant and self absorbed to fulfill their special destiny.
Narcissist will indulge in fantasies of tremendous power, success or beauty, being addicted to the attention and admiration that others manifest. You will find much snobbery between them which they do not deny it but rather be proud of it.
They see themselves as unique masterpieces - God himself obtained his PhD by creating them. Complicated rather than complex personalities, they will find it difficult to empathize with other people.
They can't actually go out of the perimeter of their own personality, not understanding how people don't think the same as they do. That's why many times you may have the feeling of talking to a wall because no matter how deep you explain your point of view, most likely a narcissist will not understand it. A brick and iron wall.
They can't maintain too long relationships, most of the times because people around them give up on explaining themselves over and over again. Narcissist transform their partners in beggars - you will beg for understanding and some unconditional attention and most of the time you will celebrate only leftovers from the feast the narcissist indulged.
You will find many successful individuals with this syndrome, because narcissism will drive them to achieve success and accumulate power in order to feed their self admiration. Many success achiever have a dose of healthy narcissism - or self confidence, but healthy narcissism or selfishness will not ask the world to reflect back to them their inflated self image and ego.
A relationship with a narcissistic personality will require lots of energy and work, because they are in constant need for outside support and approval. Once these needs are fulfilled they feel powerful, but many times this need will be very hard to be satisfied. They are left feeling vulnerable and lonely - that's how they will explain their "cheating" behavior.
The genesis of this personality disorder goes back in time to the childhood. Most of the time they will be the single child in a family but even then they have been ignored or the parents had very big expectations of perfection from the child.
The child will fiercely embark on this quest of winning the appreciation of his parents, leaving him with the incapacity to understand other people's needs, as his needs were not understood as a child.
How to detect a narcissist?
1. Be aware of people who advertise themselves too much. They will always want to be in the center of attention. Being in search of constant approval and admiration they will take over "the stage" and monopolize the discussion and action. They ant to be the star in everyone's movie.
2. Lacking of empathy toward other people needs. They can't give attention to other people because they are in constant need for that attention. Everyone is a slave and object to fulfill their demands. Narcissist want all the love, all the attention, all the possessions for themselves - they will be jealous of other people's achievements and will find it hard to acknowledge their success.
3. They cannot take criticism - it appeals to their childhood memories and they will reject it with all their power. If you commit the leze-majesty to criticize them, beside the fact that they will deny it, they will feel hurt and unloved. They will never accept responsibility for any wrongdoing and will be on constant search for finding people to blame for their mistakes.
4. Many will be workaholics - being driven by the huge desire of achievement, they will put all their efforts toward achieving massive success.
It takes time to identify all these character treats as many are under the camouflage of good looking, highly successful people which will always be fascinating and attractive. They can be interesting personalities but very difficult to handle, almost impossible.
Bad news is that they cannot be changed. Read again: narcissist cannot be changed! Since they reject any form of criticism, even the constructive one, they cannot comprehend any wrongdoing and indulge in their self proclaimed image of perfection. Many of them will have secret thoughts of being god-like and will literally be blind to any mistake they will do.
It is not recommended to give in to all their demands - you will only just reinforce their grandiose needs and they will get the feeling that it is normal to have all their wishes fulfilled without them giving much in return.
How to cope with narcissistic partners?
Since they cannot be changed, you need to reevaluate your needs and long term goals for a relationship - it may be interesting for a while to be around such type of people but in the long run it gets exhausting and anger and resentment will overshadow any feelings of love and tenderness.
1. Do not give in to their neverstopping demands, keep your independence from this type of person - if in any way you depend on them, they will blackmail you to make you give in to their desires.
2. Don't let yourself be infuriated by their lack of empathy or understanding - they are not capable of it. Showing them their incapacity will do nothing - they will blame you for everything that it doesn't work.
3. Finally, decide when enough is enough. A relationship with a narcissist can take you places where you do not want to be, can make you behave in ways you do not recognize yourself . It can undermine your self esteem and will rob you of the attention you need to give to yourself trying to meet all their needs.
Many artistic personalities will be narcissistic and self absorbed, ego-centered. The fascination with them will make many of you fall for them, since their love will be just like their personality: irrational, instinctual, possessive and overwhelming. Which sometimes will unlock those crazy passionate behavior within you - fun for a while but it will wore you down and leave you with nothing in the end.
Narcissists will be attached to those that satisfy their needs but will never treat them as partners but as followers. They have the need to lead and be in control constantly - they do not need equals but disciples or pleasers. The worst thing that can happen is when one narcissist meets someone with low self-esteem - it will be the perfect victim and toy for them.
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