If your man cheated on you, I'm sincerely sorry to hear that. I know only too well how hurtful it can be to have your spouse cheat on you. But frequently the toughest thing is dealing with the haunting images that appear to continually play through your mind throughout the day and cause you to feel horrible.
What can you do to stop this damaging thought process and get back in control over your own mind?
Well, I'd like to share with you something that is surprisingly easy, but many individuals do not realize, and that's what is accountable for all negative feelings.
If you feel a negative feeling (and I do mean any negative feeling), it is actually because you are concentrating your mind on what you do not want.
You see, when you concentrate your mind on what you do not want, you are imagining what you don't want and creating images of it in your mind's eye. This just reaffirms those haunting pictures of your husband with another woman, for instance.
Even if you are trying to avoid or push away the negative feelings, you're still focusing on the negative outcomes (and therefore only adding fuel to the fire). As an example, if you decide that you need to avoid feeling hurt again, your brain must first imagine what it is like to be hurt so that you can avoid it.
This is how concentrating on what you do not want creates negative emotions.
If you want to stop this dangerous cycle and end the agonising emotions and betrayal, you want to instead change your focus to what you do want.
Instead of avoiding agony and suffering, you almost certainly desire something like happiness, or a loving relationship. Start to ask what it'd be like to feel cheerful or to feel loved.
This will cause your mind to start imagining all the details of what happiness and love would be like in your life.
This is how you take your focus off of the negative and put it on the positive.
First, you recognize that you are focusing on what you do not want.
Then you stop and ask yourself, "Okay, if this is what I don't desire, what do I want?"
Then you start to focus on what you do want.
This is going to be challenging at first, since the negative emotions you are experiencing have a sort of inertial of their own. But just like exercising a muscle, this can become easier with some practice and you can start to end the haunting emotions and troubling thoughts that rush through your thoughts after your spouse's affair.
You can begin to notice whether or not you are focusing on what you want or what you do not want, and when you happen to notice your mind on something you do not want, you can begin to intentionally change it to something that you do desire. With continued practice, you can start to move your life in a positive direction that may help to build a foundation for contentment and love in the future.
What can you do to stop this damaging thought process and get back in control over your own mind?
Well, I'd like to share with you something that is surprisingly easy, but many individuals do not realize, and that's what is accountable for all negative feelings.
If you feel a negative feeling (and I do mean any negative feeling), it is actually because you are concentrating your mind on what you do not want.
You see, when you concentrate your mind on what you do not want, you are imagining what you don't want and creating images of it in your mind's eye. This just reaffirms those haunting pictures of your husband with another woman, for instance.
Even if you are trying to avoid or push away the negative feelings, you're still focusing on the negative outcomes (and therefore only adding fuel to the fire). As an example, if you decide that you need to avoid feeling hurt again, your brain must first imagine what it is like to be hurt so that you can avoid it.
This is how concentrating on what you do not want creates negative emotions.
If you want to stop this dangerous cycle and end the agonising emotions and betrayal, you want to instead change your focus to what you do want.
Instead of avoiding agony and suffering, you almost certainly desire something like happiness, or a loving relationship. Start to ask what it'd be like to feel cheerful or to feel loved.
This will cause your mind to start imagining all the details of what happiness and love would be like in your life.
This is how you take your focus off of the negative and put it on the positive.
First, you recognize that you are focusing on what you do not want.
Then you stop and ask yourself, "Okay, if this is what I don't desire, what do I want?"
Then you start to focus on what you do want.
This is going to be challenging at first, since the negative emotions you are experiencing have a sort of inertial of their own. But just like exercising a muscle, this can become easier with some practice and you can start to end the haunting emotions and troubling thoughts that rush through your thoughts after your spouse's affair.
You can begin to notice whether or not you are focusing on what you want or what you do not want, and when you happen to notice your mind on something you do not want, you can begin to intentionally change it to something that you do desire. With continued practice, you can start to move your life in a positive direction that may help to build a foundation for contentment and love in the future.
About the Author:
If you'd like to learn more about handling infidelity, please check out my guide to getting over an affair.
