Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Get Your Ex Back With Better Communication

By Joanie S Angel

One of the reasons many relationships break up is because of a lack of good communication. The couple stops talking about things that are important to them, then they can even stop talking about little things. Communicating with your partner is a form of intimacy. Not communicating with your partner is a way to kill off your relationship.

If this was involved in ending your relationship, there are some things you can do to get your ex back. You need to demonstrate that you can be a good listener and communicator.

Being a good communicator isn't hard. One way to begin is to call your ex and open up to them. Tell them how not being with them makes you feel. Tell them what it feels like to you in your heart to be without them. Be open and vulnerable. This can open up their heart to you.

Then, demonstrate to your ex that you are a good listener. Focus on getting them to open up and talk to you. You might inquire: "how do you feel about how I treated you when we were together?"

One way to be a good listener is to be quiet. So ask a question then shut up. Be okay with some silence. Let your ex take all the time they want to consider their feelings and start to share them with you.

Another skill to listening is to make your ex feel heard and understood. As they start telling you how your behaviors made them feel, you want to make them feel heard. You say things like I hear you, I follow you, I'm with you You say these things as appropriate so your ex feels heard. This will cause your ex to really open up to you, which is very important to getting them back.

It is also very crucial to not explain, rationalize, or defend yourself while they are talking. Just make them feel heard. Don't interrupt. Don't go into some story. Just listen until they seem done, then if appropriate explain or apologize.

There's more to it, but just these few pointers are a great start. If your ex feels you are becoming a good listener, they may see you in a new light. This can open up their heart and make room for them to reconsider being with you.

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